Trouble in la casita

It has been 9 days since I last spoke to my BF.  I really dislike it when he tells me he is going to call at a certain time on a certain day and then doesn’t.  I cannot really complain because I am so busy with everything, holidays, etc. But, it is not nice to tell someone you will call, and then you don’t call.  Part of me feels like because it’s over 4 months until the next time we’ll be seeing each other, that we’re starting to drift apart.  When we’re living in the same place, we basically spend 24 hours together, so, when we’re not together, it feels weird. And then for us to not really talk during that time…it’s even worse.

I don’t want to say that there’s trouble in la casita, but I’m actually starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t commit to my BF.  We have plans to get married in 10 months, and I’m starting to feel like maybe we should just live together for a few years, and then get married.  Then on the other hand, I know that once we’re living together, we’re going to want to try to have a family, so, it won’t really make a difference as to whether we get married now or not.

I don’t know…we’ll see how it goes, but in the meantime, I think I am going to take it one day at a time.  And, I don’t think I’m being petty or anything about not calling my BF…I just feel like I am too busy to be chasing down phone calls, and that it really sucks to have someone tell you that they’re going to do something, and then they don’t do it.  We’ll see what his excuse is when he finally calls.  Maybe then I’ll be too busy to talk…

It’s Saturday and I want to party!

So, a week has passed without me speaking to my BF.  This isn’t unusual, but with the amount of fighting we were doing during out last visit (I’m talking full break up and make up), it seems kind of weird that we’re not spending more time patching things up.  I mean, not that there are things left to patch up, but the fact that I’m not back there until April (actually, now I’m debating May) and it’s only December just makes me feel like lack of communication is not going to keep us close.

Tonight, I thought about going out partying because it’s Saturday!  Normally, on Saturday night, I’m on the phone with my BF for a few hours.  So, since that didn’t happen, I was left with a free Saturday night.  Time I could spend with friends, or making new firends.  I am not used to being free like this.

I was also eaager to go out because of the stress of the long distance relationship, work, new projects, planning this move, wedding planning, and just everything else that comes along with the end of the year.  It just seems to me that the end of the years brings on so many hardships that taking a day or a night off to relax is exactly what is needed to get back into a normal groove.  Sometimes I feel like I’m working and working and working, and not enjoying my life anymore.  I never wanted that for myself.  I’m pretty sure no one wants that…but, I’m sure it won’t last forever.  At least I hope it won’t.

Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday!

On Saturday night I spoke to my BF on the phone for a little over an hour, and we talked once again about how long it would be before we get to see each other next.  I’ve initiated a countdown that tells me that I’m only 127 excruciatingly long days from moving in with him.  I don’t even want to tell him how long it will be (in days) because he’s going to freak out.  But it really is the best idea for us right now.  I cannot imagine spending months or years away from someone I love, and am married to…so, while it’s hard now, it’s for the best in the long term.

He has expressed disappointment in the fact that when I’m there, that I’ll be traveling back home to my own country for weeks at a time when necessary.  I told him that I understand his frustration, but that it doesn’t make sense for me to be there for months at a time, have the ability to travel home, and not do so.  I’m sure he’ll welcome a week’s break from me once we’ve been living together for a few months.

Oh Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday!

Goodbye Michael.

I just found out last night that a close friend of mine died last month.  I had been emailing him for months now just to say “Hi” and more recently to get his mailing address and invite him to my wedding.  I hadn’t actually spoken to him since July, and last night, I was talking to a mutual friend who told me that he passed away last month and had been in the hospital for a few months prior to his passing.  Which explains why he hadn’t been responding to my emails.

I felt so bad because if I had called instead of emailed, I probably would have known that he had been in the hospital and would have been able to visit.  Instead, I was so wrapped up in my own world, that my friend actually DIED and I didn’t know it until a month later.  It’s somewhat heartbreaking. I’m very disappointed that I didn’t get to see him before he passed.  I know he is in a better place though.  Living this life was a bit of a struggle, as I’m sure it is for us all.   This situation just makes me want to live stronger.

Goodbye Michael

Good Morning… the back story!

Good morning!  It’s 8:22 am, the sun is shining, it’s cold as heck and I just woke up.  Faced with the number of things on my list for the day, I’m only interested in going back to bed.  Last night I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone for about an hour, and at times, it leaves me happy, but more often, I’m left in despair.  Last night, I was left in despair.

The back story of my relationship is that I’m involved with someone that I’ve only just met.  We’ve been together for seven months and are getting married in 10.5 months from today. We got engaged about two months after we met.  It didn’t take long.  Basically, what sold it for me was the fact that we had the same goals of starting and growing a family and we have common interests.  And, while I have many more interests than he does, he’s open to new things.  And, he doesn’t laugh at me when I do Karaoke.

We have a long distance relationship that is so trying at times.   At times it’s the distance that’s trying, meaning, there are times when I just wish I were near him, and times when I’m happy I’m not.  At other times, it’s all of the other differences that separate us.  Like, the fact that I’m a few years his senior with tons of life and world experience, and his life (to this point) has been quite monotonous.  Or the fact that I have been in living situations with people I’m not related to, so, I know how to get along with people who aren’t forced to love me or live with me. When we first started living together for longer than a mere visit, we got into so many fights over basic things…kitchen etiquette, bedroom etiquette, bathroom etiquette, television etiquette… But, we really do love each other, so the arguments and fights are resolved very quickly.  But, it is always going to be hard while we’re living apart.

So, my decision over the last few days has been to move in order to close the gap that distance creates between us.  Long distance relationships suck…period!  When I spoke to him about this last night, he was definitely excited about me moving there next April, but was not happy to learn that it basically meant that we wouldn’t see each other until then.  If the flight alone costs $500, it doesn’t make sense for me to travel back and forth between now and then if I’m going to be living there in a few months’ time.  Does it?

These 4.5 months apart (I haven’t seen him since Thanksgiving) is the longest time we’ll have spent apart since the start of our relationship.  It’s going to be very hard because we’re in different time zones, we have different schedules, the weather is different, and I am lonely!  I know we’ll survive it, but it is going to be hard.